A Nun And A Drunk
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground he begins kicking her and screaming,
“You’re not so tough tonight are you Batman!”
Archive for Bar Jokes
First BJ
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders 10 shots of tequila.
The bartender pours the shots and asks the man if he is feeling OK. The man responds by saying that he is fine and hes actually celebrating his first blowjob. He then knocks back all 10 shots one after the other.
The bartender says to the man, “Hey, since it was your first blowjob, let me buy you another shot.”
The man replies “No, no… if 10 shots of tequila doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will.”
Drunk Vocabulary
HINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you’re not really my type
Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.
51 Days
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes.
They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows.
“51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”
The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster.
When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?” The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.
So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
