Please note these jokes are for people over the age of 18 due to the adult material.
How do dogs like sex?
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
information…or do you need a demonstration
SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down
There is Hot-sex,
and for people with your face …
NO SEX !
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia…
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!
When an apple is green it’s ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she’s ready to fuck!
Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!
Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!
Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!
Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!
Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job
Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it’s hard Fuck it!
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
Love & War
LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i’ll blow the shit out of you!
When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!
Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it’s gone forever!
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan’t stop!!
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e’s,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!
Men like toilets
Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!
Mary Mary, quitecontrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
Roses are red, voilets arecorny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
5 bad things to say to a naked guy
5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY
1)so dis explains urcar!
2)but still work,right?
4)shood i get a pump?
5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird!
Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin mecock,daclock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!
Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,she kept it in da backyard,wen she took her panties off,his wooly dick got hard!
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!
Being a student
Being a student is so much fun,wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues,if u be my teacher in how tongues flex,we’ll both graduate in hot oral sex!
Down on her Knees
Shes down on her knees,Eager to please,Wiv a throb of his nob in her gob,Wiv a tingle in his belly,his legs turn to jellycos shes doin a fuckin good job!
Cat and the Sausage
Acat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river,but gets its paws wet,then it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!
Oral sexcan b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den ucum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
Mary had a little bike,she rode it bak 2 front,all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up hercunt
a mans ocupation
is to stick hiscockulation
up a wommens ventulation to
increase the population of the
younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!
*NEWSFLASH* Tell ALL your female friends that ican get 1000 tampons for ?1, No Strings attached but for a limited period ONLY! Its A bloody good deal !
I love when you stick your little fingers in me deep and lick it all . Love always , Nutella.
U and the Pope
do u know what’s the diference between U geting laid, and the pope geting laid?? if the pope gets laid, it’s a sin, and if U get laid, its a miracle!! 🙂
Do you wan’t fun Do you wan’t sex Don’t forget durex
in days of old wen knights were bold +condoms wernt invented they tied socks around theircocks + people like u were prevented.
Sex, Drugs + Birthcontrol
Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll
Speed, weed and birthcontrol,
lifes a bitch, then u die,
so fuck the world
lets get high..
Kiss’s r blown + kiss’s r wasted kiss’s rnt kiss’s unless they r tasted, kiss’s spread germz + germz hated, so kiss me BABE im vacinated!
How many letters
How many letters are in the Alphabet?? Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!
last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky…. then I thought where the fuck is my roof??
Foot and Mouth
mary had a little lamb,its name was little ralph,its burnin in a field right nowcos its got foot and mouth
What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
Blonde Womens legs
what did the blondes womens left leg say to the blonde womens right leg? don’t know they never met!
This Way Up
Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
I love you
This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it
i love y
i love yo
i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they’re black andcrispy.
Group of sheep in field, one says i dont feel well. The others reply shut the fuck up your get us all shot.
Your teeth are so yellow, ican’t believe it’s not butter!!!
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from thecondom factory.
Yo mama’s so ugly, even the elephant man paid to see her.
Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark ascharcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!
mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!
whats the difference between a mini tampon..a middle tampon and a large tampon?….they r all stuck upcunts!
Sex is like Maths
sex is like maths: Add the bed, subtractclothes, divide the legs…
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? …………. ………… …tell you later !!!
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
farmer Joneshas got no sheep,
isn’t life a drag?
coz they’re all burning in a field
he’s got no sheep to shag
The FA have just announced gary gliter the next Englandcoach.
The appontmentcollapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15’s
Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie
News Flash – Indian Earthquake
Indian earthquake kills 50 000!
USA sending food.
britain sending … … … Replacements
there was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together
Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.
Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big’n airy, Jill said “WOW WOT A WHOPPER let’s go home & DO IT PROPER
what do you do if a irish man through’s a pin at you … … you runcause he’s got a grenade in his mouth
Dear Mammy love annie
There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what’s a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it’s sick.
Cock Sucker Detecotor
This is acock sucker detector
Please blow in the phone….. .. scanning….
The test was positive 90percent sperm breath…
COCK SUCKER !!
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?
Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!
Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money